An outpouring of love flooded my inbox last night and still continues as I write. When I shared the decision to delete myself from Facebook you spoke. I heard your words of love, support and encouragement. I heard your appreciation for my writing and photographs. I heard the I will miss you and the please don’t goes and I cried. I broke down in a sob of messy nose blowing tears, vowing that they would be the last ones shed over what has become a tremendously painful time in my life, but alas, here they go again, damn things!
I sat downtown today in the glorious sunshine. A perfect blue sky, a slight breeze and the warmth of the sun on my bare skin. Small children were frolicking in the water feature outside the city hall, the friends at the neighbouring patio table engrossed in deep conversation, the lone male, probably on his lunch break, eating food from his Tupperware container, all of them just enjoying the moment. Life was happening all around me and I felt a great need to be included. If I dwell on the past and all that once was, the joy AND pain, it only keeps me there…. in the past, and it’s so clear that isn’t where I’m meant to be.
The city of Guelph is a beautiful place in the summer time with it’s outdoor cafes and restaurants spilling onto the streets. It’s not crazy busy like my home town of Norwich but that’s ok I’ll be back soon enough. I spend my days planning for my return and dreaming about a little one bedroom cottage where I can fill my days writing and painting. In my spare moments there will be Skype sessions with my children who will share their amazing life stories with me. We’ll laugh and be silly, each one of us having so much to tell the other what life came and brought that day. We will have so much to say that our conversations will jump all over the place until it settles down and we find our groove. Not so different to what life is like at the moment. My groove is waiting for me and is in sight.
Thank- you John Dewing for your constant love and support, thank-you David Ward for sharing your appreciation for my writing, thank-you Darren Parsons for you late night messages (thankfully not about the weather or food), my big sister and protector Diane who’s encouragement is endless, my children who have the biggest hearts, Rowena Atkins, Carole Chalmers, Alison Kerr and all those who sent me words of love on my Facebook post, you truly have the gift of love ❤