She spent the evening flicking around the umpteen channels on the television, finally settling to watch ‘Notting Hill’ on an old movie station. She’d forgotten her love for Hugh Grant’s accent and good looks on the big screen. She’d forgotten how much she loved to hear Julia Robert’s laugh as it never failed to make her burst out laughing too. This time her eyes were sad and matched the mood of the character she was playing. She found herself getting lost in the story and enjoying the light hearted lines Hugh delivered with his cheeky boyish grin and expressive eyes. Then her world would come banging loudly on the door when their story matched hers and she found herself in a well of tears. A roller coaster of emotions with its wave of crying followed by the release of laughter. She hates roller coasters.
Movies always were a big part of their life together, animatedly discussing what they thought, had seen or what they wanted to see next. She remembered the goofy 3D glasses they wore when they went to see ‘Avatar’; her heart filling with love as she glanced over at him sitting next to her daughter. Her mind had captured that moment perfectly as a photographer would his subject. They spent the evening taking silly photographs looking like that childhood character Joe 90. They had laughed at him being the only one to pull a goofy face in what they said was going to be a more a serious shot. But he was right, it wasn’t an evening of being serious. She remembered the surreal quality of watching ‘Scott Pilgrim vs The World’ in a local cinema on a trip back home, recognizing where some of the film had taken place in Toronto, places that she was familiar with. He was familiar. Being close to him felt comforting, she felt peaceful.
Waking the next morning was anything but peaceful and comforting. It was jarring and back to her reality. Trying to close her eyes to recapture her dream when it was just out of reach. Instead she sat watching the wind blowing the morning clouds across her view like a constant changing painting of light. She sipped on her morning tea making the decision to head to the gym to shake off the ebb and flow of tears that constantly welled up.
Movements became automatic and somehow she found her pace, keeping up with the music playing in her ears. Every song was scrutinized, every word or phrase was searched for a connection to her own feelings. She skipped over his recording of a piece he had written, not quite ready to delete it forever. They often popped up on her playlist in the past making her smile, but not today. Today ‘Somebody That I Used To Know’ played loudly while she ran, the words ringing in her ears long after she had finished. Her thoughts moving beyond the pain he had caused. Was she singing the song to him or to herself?